Saturday, June 03, 2006


By now I'm sure you have heard that there is no small amount of angst over plans by the Homeland Security Secretariat to reduce by some amount the flow of anti-terrorism funds into New York City in favor of some other locations in the country. Now ... bear this in mind: New York City will still get more anti-terrorism funds than any other state or local government entity in the nation. It's just that for those in New York City, it's not enough.

There are people in Europe who think that once they've hopped on a plane, flown across the ocean, and spent three days in New York City, they've seen America. Sadly, there are quite a few people in New York who would agree with them. To them America disappears when you travel more than 30 miles from Times Square.

Charles Schumer .. heard of him? He's New York's senior senator. He is spitting fire over the diversion of some anti-terrorism funds to POTNY ... Places Other Than New York. When he discovered that some of those funds would be channeled to Georgia he had this little gem of a quote:

"Other states that have very little problems got an increase, Georgia got a 40 percent increase. Somehow this administration thinks that Georgia peanut farmers are more at risk than the Empire State Building. Something is dramatically wrong."

So ... there you go. Georgia is all about peanut farmers. Yankee arrogance and stupidity rears its head yet again. So, not that he'll ever hear it, I have a little message for Senator Schumer:

Senator. First of all, the money is allocated to the City of Atlanta, not to the State of Georgia. Last time I checked there were no peanut farmers in Atlanta, though you will find peanuts at Atlanta Braves Baseball games. The Braves, senator. Perhaps you've heard of them. Your Mets have finished the last 14 seasons sniffing the Braves' s collective asses. There is also an airport in Atlanta, Senator Schumer. Perhaps you've heard of Hartsfield International Airport? Do we need to remind you that the terrorist attacks of 9/11 were launched from busy airports? Well, Atlanta's is the busiest. Hartsfield is busier than LaGuardia and busier than Kennedy. Prettier too, with friendlier people. In fact, Hartsfield is busier than any other airport anywhere in the world. This ain't peanuts, senator. Airports need to be watched and protected, and the largest in the world could very well need more attention than it's getting right now. Something else, Senator Schumer. You do know that terrorists might use biological weapons, don't you? Ever heard of the CDC? The Centers for Disease Control? The CDC is in Atlanta. You'll find it right in the middle of a peanut field just two miles east of downtown. Just where do you think much of the important research in bio-terrorism is being handled? That's right, the CDC. I don't know if the CDC does any work on peanut allergies. Perhaps you could have one of your staffers check on that. Get back to us on that one, will you? Oh, and by the way ... there are tall buildings in Atlanta too, senator. And they're not peanut storage facilities. They house the offices of many of the nation's Fortune 500 companies. Some of them are even tall enough to have elevators. I'm not in the apology game, Senator Schumer, so I'm not asking for one from you. I did just want to point out that you did an exemplary job of showing your inbred ignorance with that statement about Georgia and peanut farmers. Thanks for fortifying the image that so many Americans have of people from New York.