Friday, October 26, 2007

Size does Matter

So new research reveals that Pedophiles are shorter on average than men who are attracted to adults. The study looked at 1,200 men and found that Pedophiles are about 5 feet 9 inches tall, while non-offenders are just under 5 feet 10 inches tall. Apparently, size matters.

So I'm not five foot ten. I'm actually five foot six, in tasteful pumps. Does this make me a pedophile? I hope not, because I hate kids. I can barely tolerate poultry, which are like kids with little wings.

I find pedophiles to be despicable people - but this research stinks. It's an attack on short people like me who already face discrimination every time we try to look cool sitting on a bar stool with our feet dangling. Obviously the large majority of short people are not molesters - they're actors, and everyone knows they're too busy injecting butt fat into their lips to fiddle with kids.

Do I foresee a time when we will round up all short men and imprison them?

To save the children?

I hope not. I need room to roam! And really, it's tall people we really have to worry about. Did you ever have to sit behind a tall person at the movies? The fact is, being tall allows you to hide things on shelves that no one else can reach. Especially children. And if we really care about the children - then we should kill tall people.

And if you disagree with me you're worse than Hitler.

Monday, October 08, 2007

And Now---A Little Quiz

A little history lesson: If you don't know the answer make your best guess. Answer all the questions before looking at the answers. Who said it?

1) "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

A. Karl Marx
B. Adolph Hitler
C. Joseph Stalin
D. None of the above

2) "It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few...and to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity."

A. Lenin
B. Mussolini
C. Idi Amin
D. None of the Above

3) "(We)...can't just let business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from some people."

A. Nikita Khrushev
B. Jose f Goebbels
C. Boris Yeltsin
D. None of the above

4) "We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to give up a little bit of their order to create this common ground."

A. Mao Tse Dung
B. Hugo Chavez
C. Kim Jong Il
D. None of the above

5) "I certainly think the free-market has failed."

A. Karl Marx
B. Lenin
C. Molotov
D. None of the above

6) "I think it's time to send a clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being watched."

A. Pinochet
B. Milosevic
C. Saddam Hussein
D. None of the above


(1) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/29/2004
(2) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 5/29/2007
(3) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(4) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(5) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(6) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 9/2/2005

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Anything more beautiful than a Tree? YES -

So a judge is ordering protesters occupying an oak at Cal-Berkeley to make like a tree and leave, or wind up in jail. The protesters are pissed that the school plans to remove some trees to make way for an athletic center, something they'd never use because they don't allow feather boas on the track during meets.

The University is going to warn the human root rot of the court order by issuing them a notice. Ooooh a notice! Way to stick it to 'em Cal. Go Bears.

I love this story because it illustrates some essential truths about protesters.

One: They need to grow up. One of the protesters, David Galloway, is 36 years old. It's must be great for his parents to know that, as their son reaches middle age, he's living in a tree. And it's not even a tree house. He's more like a tree squatter.

Two, protesters don't really care about people or trees! You see, school officials have become increasingly worried about the amount of human waste coming from the oaks. Think about that! It's disgusting. Crap shouldn't grow on trees, and it shouldn't fall from them either. And I'm sure if these oaks could actually talk they would agree with me, and plead for a match.

Three, this is private property and these conduits for crabs have no right to be there. Imagine if some middle aged dude in a mesh tank top and torn culottes moved into a tree on your front yard. He'd be in the morgue before breakfast.

The fact is, the University was too scared to deal with this sooner - proof that the PC mindset is still alive and well in academia. Instead of handling these ass-hats with kid gloves, I say, taser them, and taser them often. If you won't do it for the students, then do it for the trees. And if you disagree with me you're worse than Hitler.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


Ann Coulter has a new book. "If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd be Republicans." Suggested subtitle ... "You Can't Fix Stupid."

I guess we now know just what sentence, paragraph or thought expressed in Coulter's book is going to be used by the MoveOn Democrat Party and the loony left in an attempt to demonize her.

Here's an excerpt from an interview with Ann Coulter by George Gurley. Here we find Coulter talking about women:

"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women."

The left is sure to jump on this like a crow on a June bug. Thing is .... Coulter is exactly right. Don't take her word for it, just read "Freedomnomics" by John Lott. Here we have a renowned economist going all the way back to the late 1980s to see what happens when women get the vote. His findings? In every single case, when women were given the right to vote the cost of government immediately began to rise as women, particularly single women, started voting for the candidates who would create more government spending programs designed to provide women with security. That magic word .. .security.

Lott found that young single women overwhelmingly vote liberal. When they marry and start a family they start voting more conservatively. That would be because their sense of security is provided by their family, and they don't want government to interfere in their accumulation of wealth. Then, if that very same woman starts to feel that her marriage is threatened ... or if she becomes divorced ... she right back there voting for liberals again. Why? Security .. this time from the government instead of her husband.

Coulter is right. Deal with it.

If Hillary Clinton becomes (God forbid) the next president of this country, it will be on the vote of young single women and divorcees.