Saturday, August 06, 2005

What the Hell is Cutey Kathy Harris talking about? Huh??? The Main Stream Media NEVER edits pictures to make people look bad or good. Do They? Posted by Picasa

SATIRE ALERT (for the terminally dumb)

John Bolton Has No Teats

The power to make recess appointments is a sacred one, and should be exercised only by a benevolent Democrat president for awarding ambassadorships to campaign contributors and chicks he's banging, without any partisan interference from an obstructive right-wing congress.

Bush has abused this power and crossed into dictatorial waters, essentially circumventing the constitutional process to appoint John Bolton as ambassador to the United Nations - a position he's proven to be completely unsuited for. In a scant 24 hours on the job, Bolton has already insulted Secretary General Kofi Annan by showing up to the traditional introductory meeting without the customary kneepads and suitcase full of cash. Such arrogance will only alienate our allies, and runs the serious risk of forcing trusted friends like France to collaborate with our enemies.

One of the first things every child learns is how to play nicely with others. It's a skill that requires a willingness to compromise - that is, bend over and blindly acquiesce without demanding anything in return. Throughout his career, John Bolton has demonstrated that he cannot play nicely with others. Indeed, he's little more than a playground bully who will put the interests of his country above the needs of the International Community. A congressionally appointed envoy to the United Nations should not be a swaggering cowboy, but rather a nurturing, multi-breasted nursemaid upon whose giant teats developing third-world countries can perpetually suckle. Unless I am mistaken, John Bolton has no teats. All he has is a string of Top 40 hits and some rather intimidating facial hair.

So weeks from now, when they crack open George Voiniovich's garage to find the lifeless, blue corpses of Oliver Willis and the senator huddled together in his idling Caddy, you can place the blame squarely upon John Bolton and his unilateralist mustache.


Al-Zawahiri, Right on Cue

When Dan Rather uncovered shocking evidence that Bush went AWOL from the Texas Air National Guard for the entire Vietnam War, "Osama Bin Laden" made a diversionary video appearance that dominated the news for weeks and captured six Golden Globes for Best Documentary. When polls showed John Kerry surging ahead of Bush among heroin addicts, circus freaks, and New York Times Op-Ed columnists, out came another one of the Shrub's Osama lookalikes to scare the crap out of the American sheeple just ahead of the November elections. So when "bizarre weather" forced down a commercial aircraft full of French citizens at a Toronto airport, it was a safe bet that another turbaned stooge would conveniently surface to let Bush off the hook.

Thankfully, all 297 passengers aboard the Air France jet survived, and were found in a nearby field attempting to surrender to a flock of Canadian geese. But with Charles Nelson Reilly making phony terrorist threats in an equally phony beard, everyone quickly forgot about the mysterious storm that brought down an airplane full of rabid Bush-Haters on the same day the Shrub was to begin the longest presidential vacation in American history.

Nine out of ten dentists agree that severe weather is the direct result of Bush's refusal to give the UN regulatory powers over American industries. The French, who used only 30 gallons of water last year nationwide, would be more than happy to help us adopt a more European model of conservation, recycling, and sucking-up to mustachioed dictators. But Bush has chosen to ignore the sage advice of our eco-friendly friends. Now, our children must face a bleak future where their Rice Krispies are saturated with arsenic, the air is unbreathable even in the cold vacuum of space, and Tony Award-winning actors are little more than paid stooges for Halliburton, Inc.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

A Journalist Is Murdered

Steven Vincent, "an art critic inspired to write about war after watching from the roof of his New York apartment as the World Trade Center towers fell," was found murdered in Basra, Iraq, yesterday, Reuters reports from New York. Vincent published an article in Sunday's New York Times criticizing British troops in Basra for being insufficiently aggressive in promoting democratic values:

Fearing to appear like colonial occupiers, they avoid any hint of ideological indoctrination: in my time with them, not once did I see an instructor explain such basics of democracy as the politically neutral role of the police in a civil society. Nor did I see anyone question the alarming number of religious posters on the walls of Basran police stations. When I asked British troops if the security sector reform strategy included measures to encourage cadets to identify with the national government rather than their neighborhood mosque, I received polite shrugs: not our job, mate.

Vincent was also a frequent contributor to National Review Online, which has collected links to his articles. Blogger Larry O'Connor picks up a pertinent Vincent quotation:

Words matter. Words convey moral clarity. Without moral clarity, we will not succeed in Iraq. That is why the terms the press uses to cover this conflict are so vital. For example, take the word "guerillas." As you noted, mainstream media sources like the New York Times often use the terms "insurgents" or "guerillas" to describe the Sunni Triangle gunmen, as if these murderous thugs represented a traditional national liberation movement. But when the Times reports on similar groups of masked reactionary killers operating in Latin American countries, they utilize the phrase "paramilitary death squads." Same murderers, different designations. Yet of the two, "insurgents" and especially "guerillas" has a claim on our sympathies that "paramilitaries" lacks. This is not semantics: imagine if the media routinely called the Sunni Triangle gunmen "right wing paramilitary death squads." Not only would the description be more accurate, but it would offer the American public a clear idea of the enemy in Iraq. And that, in turn, would bolster public attitudes toward the war.

Supporters of the conflict in Iraq bear much blame for allowing the terminology---and, by extension, the narrative--of events to slip from our grasp and into the hands of the anti-war camp. Words and ideas matter. Instead of saying that the Coalition "invaded" Iraq and "occupies" it today, we could more precisely claim that the allies liberated the country and are currently reconstructing it. More than cosmetic changes, these definitions reflect the nobility of our effort in Iraq, and steal rhetorical ammunition from the left.

The most despicable misuse of terminology, however, occurs when Leftists call the Saddamites and foreign jihadists "the resistance" What an example of moral inversion! For the fact is, paramilitary death squads are attacking the Iraqi people. And those who oppose the killers--the Iraqi police and National Guardsmen, members of the Allawi government, people like Nour--they are the "resistance." They are preventing Islamofascists from seizing Iraq, they are resisting evil men from turning the entire nation into a mass slaughterhouse like we saw in re-liberated Falluja. Anyone who cares about success in our struggle against Islamofascism, or upholds principles of moral clarity and lucid thought--should combat such Orwellian distortions of our language.

May he rest in peace.