Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Xanax anyone?

So according to a new study, one in five Americans has a personality disorder. These illnesses include obsessive or compulsive tendencies, the kind that might lead to violence or the purchase of Deepak Chopra love dolls. Basically, we`re a nation of nutcases – like the studio audience of the View, but without the compression hose or the drool bucket.

I`m sorry, but the only thing nutty about our nation, are studies like these. These new stats have nothing to do with an increase in mental problems, but a rise in diagnosis among people under 25.

The bottom line: if your kid is bored, lazy or self-absorbed, sometimes it`s just easier to treat him with pills – than to kick him in the pants. In a weird way, today's teens are like high risk borrowers and their parents are dodgy banks: instead of restricting their behavior, they`re just indulging their excesses in a way that leads to bigger problems later.

Look, I`m all for helping sick people – and teens and pills are my two favorite things! But once you say everyone has a problem- then having a problem becomes the norm. And being normal then becomes abnormal! So at that point, why treat anyone at all?

And, maybe anxiety disorders arise because you SHOULD be anxious. If people responded to anxiety instead of erasing it, maybe our nation`s collective unease would have prevented the housing crisis. Or at least the Jonas Brothers.

Besides, is it really wrong to obsess about stuff like unicorns all the time? Is it that unhealthy to believe unicorns can read my thoughts? Is it really a tragedy that I happen to know unicorns are sending me personal messages through my fillings?

I don`t think so. But if you do – then you`re worse than Hitler and you should be tortured or something.