SATIRE ALERT !!!

Redeploy...to VICTORY!

John Kerry voted for the war in Iraq before he voted against it. It’s a lie invented by the GOP propaganda machine and obediently repeated ad nauseum by the right-wing media in a concerted effort to falsely portray a decorated war hero thrice wounded in Vietnam as a spineless waffler who wouldn’t wipe his own backside without first checking the public opinion polls. But in truth, Kerry has always been opposed to the illegal and immoral war in Iraq. He was simply waiting until the voters had matured enough emotionally to agree with him. Now that all the polls indicate that most Americans believe the entire War on Terror is a complete waste of time, the esteemed senator from Massachusetts feels we’re at last ready to support his call for a complete and unconditional withdrawal of all U.S. forces from Iraq.

Make no mistake, this is NOT a retreat, but merely a phased "redeployment" of our troops back to the States, where they can be reunited with their loved ones and then tried for possible war crimes. There’s no shame is running away and living to fight another day – preferably while wearing a baby blue helmet. Indeed, it takes a strong man to swallow his pride and turn the other cheek in the face of adversity. Think of all the lives that would have been spared if on that sixth day of June, 1944, Gen. Eisenhower had put his enormous ego aside and brought our boys home, rather than force them to storm a silly beach in an illegal and immoral war against a country that never attacked us. Imagine if Jingus Khan had the courage to end his reign of terror and redeploy his troops back to Mongolia, rather than continue to burn and pillage in a fashion reminiscent of the United States Marine Corps. Imagine all the people living life in peace.

Sadly, the chickenhawk-controlled congress doesn’t have the guts to flee like real men, and essentially told Kerry to take his amendment and "redeploy" it to a certain area of his anatomy. However, the measure went over gangbusters with Al Qaeda, a testament to Sen. Kerry’s skill as a diplomat. If John Kerry can find common ground with a sworn enemy of the United States, just think of the kind of president he’ll make.