Thursday, April 16, 2009

Tea Party - Teabagging - Your Momma

So if there's one great thing we learned from yesterday's Tea parties, it's how Anderson Cooper spends his nights off. It had happened during a conversation with talking thumb, David Gergen, who had just noted that the tea party protestors had yet to find their voice. Cooper's response: "It's hard to talk when you're teabagging."

Now, if you're too old or too high to get what's going on, here's the joke: The liberal-leaning media are goofing on the tea parties by invoking the term teabagging, a phrase used to describe an act of oral sex performed by a man - either on another man, woman, or in Alec Baldwin's case – a cheeseburger.

And so you have Cooper's joke – it's just a shame he ripped off the shtick from David Shuster, who apparently has never met a joke he hasn't beat to death like a hunter on a harp seal. On MSNBC, Shuster repeats testicle-based puns with a fervent relish not unlike an eight-year old boy who just can't stop sniffing his fingers. And, this, coming from me. I mean – I always thought I was the king of obvious jokes, but I relinquish that crown – because the real obvious joke is Shuster.

So why is it the MSM finds it so easy to sneer at a group of protestors, when you've never seen them do the same with the bedraggled buffoons protesting environmental ills, animal testing or the WTO?

Well, first: the protests involve people they've never actually met. I mean, these are average folks – not professional sign carriers. Most of these people work for a living, and ration their marching for parades. Also, the media abhors these people because they question the ultimate goal of their Messiah. These protestors know wealth distribution when they see it, and they're calling it out - because the media cannot bring themselves to do it for them. After all, if they did, that would hurt Obama's feelings. And if you learned anything from high school – you never make fun of Mr. Popular.

Lastly, the media hates it when they can't control the story. These tea parties were out of their hands from day one–a movement that was hard to figure and impossible to spin. So, why not make fun of it? Why not make ball jokes?

But hey, who am I to judge? Whatever gets you off on a Wednesday night, Anderson, when nothing else will.

Monday, April 13, 2009


I was glued to the Masters on TV when the text message came through: The Navy Seals have saved the day.

You know the story by now. Three Seal snipers on the USS Bainbridge coordinated their efforts and delivered three simultaneous head shots to the three Muslim pirates holding Captain Richard Phillips. I'm really looking forward to getting the details on this. The seas were getting rough and both the lifeboat and the Navy vessel were rolling on the seas when the shots were taken.

Up until yesterday The United States had been showing weakness: Weakness with Korea, and weakness in dealing with these Muslim pirates. Well, Obama came through. He told his military commanders to bring this episode to an end if they saw the means to do so. Obama said yes to a Pentagon request for standing authority to use appropriate force to save the life of the captain. We have to recognize that a failure of this mission would have been used against Obama ... so his decision showed courage. I was surprised. Pleasantly surprised.

Now we're getting reports that the Muslim pirates are really PO'd that actual force was used against them. They're vowing revenge against the United States and France? Why France? Because the French military killed a few Muslim pirates while rescuing hostages from a yacht the pirates had seized. One hostage was killed in that attack.

One regret. The head shots that killed the three pirates were simultaneous. This means that none of the Muslim goons got to see their buddy's heads explode. Oh well ... can't have everything, I guess.

Now its time for the shipping lines to do a bit more to defend and protect themselves so that the U.S. Military won't have to do the job for them. Hire Blackwater .. get mercenaries .. do something! But put some really mean and serious guards on these ships so that they can feed the sharks some more good, tasty Somali garbage.