Friday, August 24, 2007

Democrats invested in our demise

Finally the Bush Administration seems to be standing up and getting their side of the story told .. loudly.

Just two days ago Bush mentioned enemy casualty figures in the war against Islamic fascism. Up until now we've been pretty much limited to details on how many American soldiers were killed on any given day or month. Yesterday – finally – the president told the American people that this year our soldiers have been killing an average of 1,500 Islamic radicals a month. Good. Wish it were more. The American people need to know that our guys are doing their job ... sending these Muslim menaces to their final rewards.

Now we're getting some interesting details of an interview of National Intelligence Director Mike McConnell published in the El Paso Times. McConnell has disclosed some interesting new facts about how our courts have made it difficult to monitor conversations between terrorist suspects – even if they aren't in this country!

Some gems from the McConnell interview:

If you have an Islamic terrorist suspect in the Middle East talking to another Islamic fanatic in Indonesia .. and if that conversation goes through a switching station or some wire in the United States, then our intelligence agencies need to get a warrant to listen to what's being said. Come on now. Can you imagine anything more absurd? Neither of these Islamic goons are in this country, and neither of them have any Constitutional protections whatsoever. Neither of them are entitled to any due process under our laws ... yet our good guys have to get a freaking warrant to listen to what they're saying to each other?

Then there's the FISA court. FISA stands for Foreign Intelligence Secrecy Act. This is the super-secret court that is supposed to expedite warrants that allow our intelligence agencies to monitor conversations between Islamic terrorist suspects overseas and an individual in this country. How long does it take to get one of these warrants? Try 200 hours. That's 200 hours to get one warrant to monitor one telephone number. Is this how we fight the war against these Islamic fanatics?

Oh ... one more thing. Just how many people inside this country are currently being monitored because of their contacts with known terrorist suspects? Try 100. That's it. Just 100. This is what the Democrats have been screaming and rendering their garments over. Who the hell's side are they on, anyway?

Now we have a law ... a law for the next six months, anyway ... that gets our intelligence people around some of these problems. The Democrats have made it clear that they are going to do everything to kill that law as soon as they can.

And you want to trust these people with our security?

Let me know how that works out for you.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Rove is Responsible for Everything

While I was away on vacation visiting my prostate, Karl Rove, A.K.A. "ROVE--ZEBUB," the undisputed prince of darkness, destroyer of all that's holy, slayer of infants and puppies, enemy of freestyle rap, resigned. I suppose some people might see that as a coincidence, but not me, for I know that where there`s smoke, there`s fire.The left blames Rove for many things, but they stop just short of the truth. Rove timed his exit to coincide with my vacation because he wanted to avoid the flashlight of truth he knew I would cast on him if I hadn`t been playing strip Parcheesi with my Urologist.

Karl Rove, as you know, is an anagram for "ark lover." Which makes sense, when you notice the lack of government money invested in highways and bridges. Only a man who prefers to travel by ark would be so insensitive - so insensitive that during his stint working for George Herbert Walker Bush's 1980's vice presidential bid - there were EIGHT major plane crashes. I have noted this before: This is no coincidence for someone who benefits directly from the production of arks. What if I were to tell you that one of the planes was a DC-10, which crashed in Mexico City. Which is in Mexico. HOME TO MEXICANS. Is this no surprise, since Bush is meeting with the President of Mexico this week? Certainly not for Rove, who as I speak, is placing an order for chalupas. 14 million of them, actually.

But wait, it gets worse, people. I wrote about this two years ago: In 1993, when Rove began advising George w. Bush's gubernatorial campaign, almost immediately, Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall died. Rove probably did a little Pirouette - not unlike something Rudolf Nureyev might have done, if he also hadn't had died that year. Rove had only been at it for a year, and already a black and a Russian had died.

Rove's favorite drink?

You guessed it: a Black Russian.

So why did Rove resign last week? Obviously it was to deflect attention from a bigger story. That of David Beckham. Why is he here? Well, the official story would have us believe it is to play "soccer," for something called the Los Angeles Galaxy. While the country fixates on Beckams biceps, we took our eyes off the real ball - and that is Posh Spice, who is currently planning a Spice Girls Reunion. The reunion is stretching across the globe, much like "blue-ear" pig disease, which is already destroying hundreds of thousands of swine in China.

Only one person on the planet could have orchestrated this sequence of events....and that is Karl Rove, who's favorite breakfast meat - don't you know - is bacon.

Which, as you know, comes from pigs.

Well, I`m not going to stand idle while this man is allowed to keep monkeying with global affairs. I`ve set a trap for him, in my basement. I`ve painted it to look like a Taco Bell, and I`ve set a cage above a mound of freshly fried bacon with an entrance through the gararge. When I catch him, the left will have to find something else to do with their time, now that they will no longer have Rove to blame for everything wrong with the world.

I suggest Scott Baio. He's 45 and single. What's that about? Do you think Chachi is----ya know. Or how about Woodrow Wilson? No one ever talks about him. Two words: free ride.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Left on Hollywood Blvd.

According to the New York Post, the only member of the Hollywood elite they know who is backing a Republican is Kelsey Grammar, who's giving money to Guliani. I always liked Frazier. The rest of Hollywood, from Ben Stiller and Toby Maguire to Speilberg and Streisand are chucking their wealth at the Democrats.

Why do nearly all Hollywood actors and actresses act like sheep? I pin it on the thirst for fame, which is based on an insatiable need for approval. It's what draws people to Hollywood. And it's this same craving that drives people to become liberals. When one becomes a liberal, he or she advocates tolerance, equality and peace, but hilariously, is doing so for purely selfish reasons. It's the human equivalent of a puppy's face: an evolutionary tool designed to enhance survival, reproductive value and status. Also, like puppies, many liberals go number one on the floor when they're nervous. In short, liberalism is based on one desire: to look cool in order to get approval. Preaching tolerance makes you look cooler than saying something like, "please lower my taxes," which personally gets me hot, but did nothing for my E-harmony Profile.

This is why the only true form of rebellion left on this planet is rejecting the trademark forms of romantic rebellion like anarchy, activism, nipple rings or tribal tattoos. The anti-rebel is far more subversive because every day he or she says things that aren't sanctioned and certainly aren't considered cool among the media elite.This is why Dick Cheney is closer to the Hell's Angels than Hunter S. Thompson ever could be. And why Jon Stewart is about as daring as a diaper filled with Nilla Wafers.Which, by the way, is not very daring. Or comfortable, for that matter.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Hanoi Jane set the table, and the left still eats the big one.

Even when war is good, it's bad. And when it's bad it's hell.

Case in point – former NFL player Pat Tillman was killed in battle. Worse, he was the victim of friendly fire. Even worse, his investigation was mishandled and messy, probably due a general panic over killing a well-known hero. But what can be worse than that? How about the left using Tillman's tragic death for political gain?

What kills me is that the left, as a rule, holds folks in the military in contempt--They think that the troops are ignorant pawns trained to kill. But if a patriot can be used to undermine the very beliefs or institutions he himself tried to protect, then the left embraces him. That's what's happening with Tillman.

On some leftwing blogs, idiots like to note that Tillman was a fan of Noam Chomsky, an intensely anti-American sociopath who believes terrorists are right. They claim that Tillman was scheduled to meet Chomsky, and that he was an outspoken Bush critic who planned to vote for John Kerry. The point of all this? To bolster their conspiracy theory that Tillman was killed, and his death covered up, to silence his anti-war views.

Of course they would believe this – because that's something Joseph Stalin and Chairman Mao would have done – two leaders our contemporary left admire deeply. The fact is, the left would go to great lengths to silence their dissenters, and so they assume everyone else would do the same.

So, a man is dead in an enterprise called war. He volunteered and fought valiantly. For the left to use him to score points against their own political enemies make them the lowest form of scum on earth, right there with terrorists, bombers and people who wear sandals to work. If you disagree with me, I'll see you in my backyard this weekend. I'll be the guy wearing an NVA (North Vietnamese Regular) uniform with a hole cut in the back.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Terror and Hate Crime in New York

Almost 6 years after Bush read a story about a little girl to his pet goat, New York has once again fallen victim to an unspeakable act of terror. This time, the dark forces of hate and intolerance have struck the quiet campus of Pace University, where a paperback copy of the Holy Quran was founding floating in public toilet like one of Grampa's unflushed turds.

School authorities were ready to just write the whole thing off as an act of "vandalism" and forget about it, until a group of courageous Muslim Students stepped forward to demand they behead the Jew who committed this terrible Hate Crime - or any Jew, for that matter. To allow such and egregious insult to the Religion of Peace go unpunished risked a Muslim Blacklash, and leaders of the Muslim Community could not be held responsible for any violence or bloodshed they'd personally incite should the school refuse to act.

So without a moment more of hesitation, a campuswide manhunt was launched and the vile hate-criminal was brought to justice. The Muslim Community will sleep soundly tonight knowing that one Stanislav Shmulevich is behind bars. Thanks to New York's progressive legislation against Hate Crimes, he'll be facing up to 4 years in prison for tossing a Koran into the crapper.

Unlike the 2,000 year-old book of fairy tales known as "The Bible", the Holy Quran is sacred to the followers of Islam and must be treated with respect, never mishandled nor mutilated, and always carefully left at the bar where you get your lap dances the night before you plow a plane full of screaming passengers into a skyscraper. So Pace University officials ask that in the future, students wishing to exercise their First Amendment right Free Speech confine themselves to burning U.S. flags or smearing feces on the Virgin Mary.