Tuesday, June 21, 2005

SATIRE ALERT (for the terminally dumb)

Despite the promise of resigned acquiescence in the spirit of compromise, repugs in congress still insist on backing Bush's idiotic nominees. Now the Shrub is threatening to force a recess appointment down everyone's gullet unless Congress hands a highly unqualified thug an ambassadorship to the United Nations.

A UN ambassador should be kind, gentle, and opinionated only in a curmudgeonly grandfather sort of way. He or she should have an unintimidating mustache and refrain from speaking bluntly, brusquely, or in any fashion that might make Sen. Voinovich blubber like Michael Landon during sweeps week. In other words, a U.N. ambassador must be everything that John Bolton is not.

However, there is one man who meets all of the qualifications for the position and then some. I'm talking, of course, about deposed Iraqi leader, Saddam "Cuddles" Hussein. While Bully Bolton is a bullying bully who bullies his subordinates, Saddam jokes with and gives fatherly advice to his captors. Bolton holds grudges against those who don't march lockstep to the beat of his drum, but Saddam has no hard feelings for the chimp who bombed his palaces in the incorrect order and then chased him down a spider hole. Bolton belittles the very organization he seeks to work for, yet Saddam has a long record of cooperation with the UN, and would sooner eat a bowl of Fruit Loops than defy France.

Call me a radical if you must. Tell me I'm ahead of my time. But if a UN appointment can in some small way repay Papa Saddam for Bush's destruction of his country, murder of his gentle sons, and theft of his oil, then dammit we owe him that much!