Thursday, December 13, 2007


We've heard a lot about waterboarding lately -but only from people who never have anything nice to say about our country anyway. In a sense they're using waterboarding as form of torture on us - a constant reminder that Americans are no better than our adversaries.We don't' fly planes into buildings, we don't behead gays and we don't imprison rape victims - but 40 seconds of simulated drowning, that's unforgivable.

Now, I might agree that waterboarding is torture, but as long as those who hate the US hate waterboarding, then I love it more than life itself. See, it's a recipe I have for life. If the New York Times, NPR, Tim Robbins, Sean Penn, Hugo Chavez and most other Pantloads hate something - then it MUST be good for you. So I cherish waterboarding. I want to make it our national sport, or our national bird. I want to make the Waterboard the state flower of Vermont, instead of the Birkenstock.

As you may know, Abu Zubaydah, a top lieutenant to bin Laden, gave up his cohorts after a half-minute of the stuff. He said Allah visited him, and told him to cooperate. Allah, it turns out, prefers dry land. The good news is this new information prevented dozens of attacks. But if we had listened to the Striesands, Rieds, Pelosis, McCains, Edwards and Afflecks of the world - and got rid of waterboarding - then how many lives might have been lost? Who knows. It's hard to prove a negative. It's also hard to find a Christmas sweater that doesn't make me look fat, but it doesn't stop me from trying.