I'm Bob Winkle, welcome to You Bet Someone Else's Life, where contestants can say whatever they want about the war in Iraq without worrying about the consequences.
Looks like our contestants are eager to get started, so let's jump right into round one. Senator John Kerry, should the United States withdraw its troops from Iraq immediately?
You know, Bob, just the other day I spoke with a group of my constituents, and a woman said to me, "Senator Kerry..."
I need a yes or no answer, Senator.
I understand, Bob, but the American people...
Time's almost up, Senator.
You're right Bob, time is almost up for this administration, whose failed policies...
Sorry, time's up. Senator Clinton, should the United States withdraw its troops from Iraq immediately?
I'm going to have to get back you on that, Bob.
Sorry, you only get one chance to answer. Congressman Murtha - should we withdraw the troops?
Wait - I want to change my answer to no.
Too late, Congressman. Nancy Pelosi - withdraw the troops?
Unless the President says we should, in which case my answer would be no.
Bob, what I meant to say is that we should redeploy the troops, which may or may not be the same as withdrawing them.
The answer is no, we should not withdraw our troops.
I'm going to say no, Bob.
Too late, Senator. Next question...
I'm a veteran!
Good to know. Howard Dean - is the war in Iraq winnable?
Find out what the president thinks and then say the opposite, Howard.
Say yes - I mean no!
Say we need to do whatever is necessary to achieve the political solution desired by...
Oh, can it, horse-face! Howard, just say it depends.
Depends on what?
I don't know - just try to stall until 2008!
Talk about the town where you grew up!
Time's almost up.
OK, I'll say...no!
Oh! You were so close - the answer is yes.
That's what I was going to say, Bob.
Bob, I think my answer was taken out of context.
You can't take "no" out of context.
Well, then it's being distorted by the press.
All right, it's time for our final round, the "I think what he meant to say was" round. Senator Kerry, I'm sure you're familiar with how this works.
I certainly am, Bob.
All you have to do is listen to the following quote and tell us what you think the speaker meant to say. Senator Kerry, we're showing a clip of you this week.
Just like old times.
Here we go, contestants. This is Senator Kerry on Face The Nation.
And there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the--of--the historical customs, religious customs..
Whether you like it or not-- Iraqis should be doing that..
Howard Dean, you heard what Senator Kerry said - what do you think he meant to say?
I, uh...I think he meant to say...that, uh, that this administration has...failed the...American people?
Have to get back to you, Bob.
Senator Kerry, what did you mean to say?
What the hell was I thinking?
I don't think anyone knows. That's our show for tonight, tune in next time for...
Wait, who won?
No, you're all losers.
Be sure to tune in next time for more You Bet Someone Else's Life.