Wednesday, January 16, 2008


So in Stephenville, Texas, a dozen or so people reported seeing a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast in their neighborhood. They're calling it a UFO, while others might call it a plane.

I've always felt that there are two kinds of people in this world: those who see UFO'S and the rest of us. The alarming fact of the matter: no one ever sees alien spacecraft in big cities or places where there's a decent Wal-Mart. Sightings of strange flying objects only occur in small towns - where there is little else to do but hope and pray for an anal probing. And maybe feel up a goat.

This is not an insult on any level.

In urban areas we have sightings of fat drunks in big GMC’s making phone calls on their cell phones to people they hate and because they drive so fast they too can be confused with UFO’s. The good news is that at some point they run into a stop sign or a red light and the mystery of the hulk with lights being driven by the blimp with a cell phone is solved. And that’s not an insult on any level too.

Small towns are great because it's quiet and the beer is cheap - two factors that allow for wishful thinking. See, to me UFO's are the small city version of big city recycling. Because although I'm sure recycling exists, I've never seen it.

Seems like it all goes into one bin, local yokels with a beer in their hand looking at the sky and fat guys with a beer in one hand and a cell phone in the other gazing out a windshield through blood shot eyes. Same difference

It's not that I don't believe in UFOs. It's just that I have enough problems with things I can identify. I don't need the unknown to complicate matters. I see things outside my house and office that are all too real, and disgusting. And sometimes they fly. They aren't UFOs. They're pigeons. And they can't even work a probe. Sadly.