Thursday, January 10, 2008

My new Scarf

I bought my first scarf ever in the UK, at Selfridges for £38. It was brown and tan, heavy Scottish wool with tassels on each end. This Christmas I got a new scarf which is orange but similar in how it’s constructed. In America, every person owns a car, possibly two. In the UK, every person owns a scarf, possibly 20. By wearing a scarf, I have become instantly 432% more stylish than before.

And more trustworthy. Scarves, for some reason, make you look like someone who "cares'. In America, when I was at parties, no one trusted me to hold their babies. If anything, they kept their children away from me. But now that I wear scarves, people are literally hurling their infants at me.

In America if you wear a scarf you are assumed to be a homosexual, especially if you happen to be wearing the scarf while having sex with another man or you live in Florida and the current temperature is 80 degrees. In England it doesn't matter if a scarf makes you "look gay", because most British men in the city "look gay" already.