Sunday, December 31, 2006

SPECIAL EXCLUSIVE!!!!!!!!!! (Satire Alert-saw Lewis Black last night)

Saddam Hussein: Just Another Innocent Iraqi Murdered by Bush

History will remember him as a brutal dictator and a mass murderer responsible for countless crimes against humanity. Yet he spent last night kicking back on his Crawford ranch while an innocent man was led to the gallows.

Don’t get me wrong, Saddam was a bad guy, but* his gassing of an entire Kurdish village was no different than U.S. troops killing innocent cilivians on the field of battle. Saddam’s inhuman practice of torturing his own people isn’t any worse than Lyndie England making pig piles out of naked Iraqis on Bush’s orders. According to the sacred laws of Moral Equivilency written in cuniform by ancient Druidic Sissies and passed down through the generations to modern day progressives, Saddam and Bush are exactly the same right down to the identical skid marks on their underoos.

No one can argue that Saddam deserved to be punished for giving Bush an excuse to expand U.S. hegemony. But just as Rev. Merle Haggard’s gay sex romps cleansed all homosexuals of their sins, Bush’s hypocrisy has exonerated Hussein of any guilt for the crimes he committed. By all rights, Saddam should have been freed the moment they pulled him out of that spider hole. Instead, he was forced through a long circus trial and then executed in the dead of night before any Hollywood celebrities could appeal for his release.

So the flags will fly at half-mast Tuesday not for the passing of an American president, but for the death of justice and the tragic loss of a potential University of Colorado professor.

*The phrase “Saddam was a bad guy, but” is a registered trademark of the Democratic National Committee. All Rights Reserved.