Sunday, December 31, 2006


Exclusive: Saddam Hussein's Last Will and Testament

No kiddin':

As the hour of his death approached, Saddam received two of his half brothers in his cell on Thursday and was said to have given them his personal belongings and a copy of his will.

We managed to get a copy of the will:

I, Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majidida al-Tikriti, being of sound mind and body, declare this to be my Will, and I revoke any and all wills and codicils I previously made, especially that one where I really went off on my kids for denting the gold-plated bumper of one of my cars.

I hereby leave the following personal property to my brother Ernest (I know, I know):

One bag of Doritos.

Two pairs of Fruit of the Loom "tighty whities" (please excuse the Doritos stains).

One half-bag of Doritos.

Two white dress shirts, one with Doritos stains on the collar (OK, both have Doritos stains on the collar, but one is a lot worse than the other).

One quarter-bag of Doritos.

One dark grey sport coat, with slight Doritos stain inside the breast pocket. Some stains on the lapels, too. Maybe a little bit of staining on the right sleeve. And the left sleeve.

One pair of "Mr. Magoo" style glasses with orange smudges on the lenses.

One empty Doritos bag.