Friday, November 17, 2006


The Swiftboating of Jack Murtha

If we’ve learned anything from the annual jingo-rama known as “Veteran’s Day”, it’s that Americans are too quick to bestow "hero" status upon any uneducated moron who puts on a uniform and fights for his country. Anybody can pick up a gun and shoot someone, but true heroism comes from having the raw courage to sell out your fellow soldiers as well as the American People in order to obtain the power necessary to help them – whether they like it or not. A few such heroic individuals come to mind: Scott Ritter, Janis Karpinski, John Kerry, Benedict Arnold, and Rep. John “Jack” Murtha.

When a couple of nameless Sunni sock merchants informed him that a platoon of Marines went a wild shooting rampage, gleefully killing scores of innocent Iraqi civilians and blowing up a baby milk factory as hundreds of babies were being milked, Murtha didn’t waste any time waiting for an “investigation”, “evidence”, or other pointless distractions such as the Marines’ own version of events. In a display of unblinking honesty one usually only witnesses from members of Al-Qaeda, he quickly branded the Marines as “war criminals” and called for a Phased Redeployment of all U.S. forces. NOT a "retreat" – and right-wingers are only encouraging the terrorists by insisting on calling it that – but a phased redeployment, godammit! A PHASED REDPLOYMENT!! To “retreat” is to flee the battlefield with one’s tail tucked between his legs. “Phased Redeployment”, on the other hand, is simply taking your ball and going to Okinawa, where the REAL terrorists are. That’s the Marine Corp spirit that Jack Murtha personifies, and the reason he deserves to be House Majority Leader under the esteemed leadership of Nancy Pelosi, as well as Secretary of Defense under President Hillary if Cindy Sheehan should ever be unable to fulfill her duties. I’m sure he’ll ride all their skirts to victory - much to the dismay of right-wing chickenhawks who are furiously trying to "swiftboat" him, as I like to call it.

Yes, the Lying Liars of Lies are digging up ABSCAM, a 26-year old FBI sting operation in which a Republican congressman and five others (whose party affiliations are unimportant) were indicted for accepting cash in exchange for political favors. Iron Guts Murtha told them in no uncertain terms that he’d have to take a rain check on that there bribe, and Democrats in congress took measures to insure that the FBI never pulled a McCarthyist stunt like that again. It's all is ancient history, and the Repugs are merely using Murtha’s own actions to besmirch his character.

If anything, ABSCAM only proves that Murtha is willing to go to any lengths necessary to serve the People who put him in power, even if it means screwing over the ones who elected him. That’s what being a Democrat - and a "hero" - is all about!