Sunday, July 16, 2006

Truth revealed and a suggestion for NASA

Kenny and Renee

Many friends, insiders and casual observers are still wondering what caused Renee and Kenny's marriage to dissolve so quickly, and how the bride managed to get it annulled based on "fraud," so easily. Finally the facts have finally bubbled to the surface like bubbles tend to do when approaching the surface. According to new court documents, shortly after the 15 minute wedding ceremony on the Caribbean island of St John, Kenny Chesney transformed himself into a rare cricket, known as the Wart-biter (Decticus verrucivorus). When Renee refused to move into a burrow with him (located in the coarse grasses in Hampshire England), Chesney did what most scaly crickets do: copulating more than 50 times with a number of female crickets in a period of four hours. The "extreme repeated mating" appeared to turn off Renee completely, who caught the first flight back to the United States.

Astronauts tend to do only three things:

* give a thumbs up

* smile while listening to rock music piped in by NASA (speaking of which, what's with the tradition of playing rock music over really boring shots of NASA employees smiling like goofs in their short-sleeved shirts? It makes me violent)

* floating around trying to fix something, because frankly, they are bored shitless

Note to NASA: if you want us to give a flying poop about the astronauts then why not show us something interesting? Why not film the astronauts:

* having a poop

* trying to eat soup

* dropping large objects outside and watching them float off? (would be cool to see a washing machine drift off into the black space)

Or why not play pranks on them?

* tell them they're on an unstoppable course toward the sun?

* boom in a loud voice that tells them to "stay away or we will eat you?"

* put laxatives in their Tang?

* have a wife call in to say she's found the hidden porn at home?

These are just my thoughts. and like I always say, my thoughts are your thoughts. If you have any suggestions for what the astronauts should be doing, please let me know, and I will pass it along.