Friday, October 08, 2010

Teeny Bopper Townhall

So MTV is holding a "townhall" for President Obama on Oct. 14, 4 p.m. in Washington, D.C.

In this case, a town hall is short-hand for "an event where annoying questions are asked by unemployment hipsters with vintage t-shirts and edgy eyewear."

But a casting call has surfaced, and this is what it says:

Seeking-Audience Members: males & females, 18+. To ensure that the audience represents diverse interests and political views, include your name...and what issues, if any, you are interested in or passionate about. Also, provide a recent photo and short description of your political views.

So what's the point of this prescreening process? Well, it serves three purposes:

One: to make sure the audience reflects America - which, coming from MTV - means it will look like something a Benetton ad might vomit, if it could vomit. Get ready for every nationality you can think of, plus of few you've never heard of - along with some amusing piercings and Asian lettered tattoos.

My prediction: there will be a transgendered Eskimo with ADHD there to ask Obama to get her harp seal recognized as an assistant animal.

Two: to make sure the questions asked will reflect the MTV's earnest concerns. The environment. Health care. Amnesty. Hermaphrodite bathroom rights. The central strategy: to avoid coming down too hard on Obama, and instead placing the criticism on us, for expecting too much from Captain Delicious.

And three: a smattering of hot chicks and some wistful emo dudes, who will fawn over Obama like he's Justin Bieber with a tan.

Me, I can't wait to watch - I find projectile vomiting is ten times better than the Stairmaster when it comes to losing weight.

And don't forget to pay attention to the guy with the bolt in his nose holding the leash on his Unicorn. That's my nephew Moonbeam.