Hillary Unveils Inflatable Jesus at Campaign Stop
Senator and future President Hillary Rodham Clinton spoke candidly Monday about her belief in a Being perhaps more Divine than herself, and how this Being helped her find a way to package her husband’s Vast, Right-Wing Infidelity as a testament to her own strength and courage.
"I take my faith very seriously and very personally," Sen. Clinton told the crowd of devoutly progressive evangelicals at a Sojourners Call to Renewal forum, which she and two other presidential hopefuls had stumbled into purely by accident. "And I come from a tradition that is perhaps a little too suspicious of people who wear their faith on their sleeves. But since ya’ll brought it up...”
With a quick tug of the rosary given to the Senator by Mother Teresa at the Pope's funeral, a tall bearded figure sprang forth seemingly from her ass and gazed down upon the startled audience.
“I’m not sure I could have gotten through it without my Inflatable Jesus!” Hillary declared to enthusiastic applause.
“Nor I,” John Edwards agreed, giving his own Inflatable Jesus a chummy pat on the back. “I admit I strayed from my faith for a while, but when my teenage son was killed in a car accident outside the mill my father worked at, or when I was campaigning in the Bible Belt, Inflatable Jesus was there for me. Through thick or thin, I knew I could always pull my Inflatable Jesus out of my ass in times of trouble. ”
To woo the hordes of brainwashed Christofascist sheep into their flock, discerning Progressive Candidates turn to The Inflatable Jesus® by Hasbro. Inflatable Jesus is ideal for those who wish to affirm their religious beliefs without letting it interfere with their political agenda. The last thing anyone needs is the Son of God ruining their standing with NARAL, or scaring off the gay vote. But the Inflatable Jesus can be pulled out of your ass and inflated in an instant, then deflated and tucked away when his presence is no longer needed.
Inflatable Jesus comes in three colors: White, Black, and Obama.