Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Rove is Responsible for Everything

While I was away on vacation visiting my prostate, Karl Rove, A.K.A. "ROVE--ZEBUB," the undisputed prince of darkness, destroyer of all that's holy, slayer of infants and puppies, enemy of freestyle rap, resigned. I suppose some people might see that as a coincidence, but not me, for I know that where there`s smoke, there`s fire.The left blames Rove for many things, but they stop just short of the truth. Rove timed his exit to coincide with my vacation because he wanted to avoid the flashlight of truth he knew I would cast on him if I hadn`t been playing strip Parcheesi with my Urologist.

Karl Rove, as you know, is an anagram for "ark lover." Which makes sense, when you notice the lack of government money invested in highways and bridges. Only a man who prefers to travel by ark would be so insensitive - so insensitive that during his stint working for George Herbert Walker Bush's 1980's vice presidential bid - there were EIGHT major plane crashes. I have noted this before: This is no coincidence for someone who benefits directly from the production of arks. What if I were to tell you that one of the planes was a DC-10, which crashed in Mexico City. Which is in Mexico. HOME TO MEXICANS. Is this no surprise, since Bush is meeting with the President of Mexico this week? Certainly not for Rove, who as I speak, is placing an order for chalupas. 14 million of them, actually.

But wait, it gets worse, people. I wrote about this two years ago: In 1993, when Rove began advising George w. Bush's gubernatorial campaign, almost immediately, Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall died. Rove probably did a little Pirouette - not unlike something Rudolf Nureyev might have done, if he also hadn't had died that year. Rove had only been at it for a year, and already a black and a Russian had died.

Rove's favorite drink?

You guessed it: a Black Russian.

So why did Rove resign last week? Obviously it was to deflect attention from a bigger story. That of David Beckham. Why is he here? Well, the official story would have us believe it is to play "soccer," for something called the Los Angeles Galaxy. While the country fixates on Beckams biceps, we took our eyes off the real ball - and that is Posh Spice, who is currently planning a Spice Girls Reunion. The reunion is stretching across the globe, much like "blue-ear" pig disease, which is already destroying hundreds of thousands of swine in China.

Only one person on the planet could have orchestrated this sequence of events....and that is Karl Rove, who's favorite breakfast meat - don't you know - is bacon.

Which, as you know, comes from pigs.

Well, I`m not going to stand idle while this man is allowed to keep monkeying with global affairs. I`ve set a trap for him, in my basement. I`ve painted it to look like a Taco Bell, and I`ve set a cage above a mound of freshly fried bacon with an entrance through the gararge. When I catch him, the left will have to find something else to do with their time, now that they will no longer have Rove to blame for everything wrong with the world.

I suggest Scott Baio. He's 45 and single. What's that about? Do you think Chachi is----ya know. Or how about Woodrow Wilson? No one ever talks about him. Two words: free ride.