Tuesday, July 10, 2007

So there's a new study that says muscular young men tend to have more sex partners than men with less muscles. The research suggests muscles in dudes are like tail feathers in male peacocks: They attract females.

This makes sense - with the exception of abdominal muscles. I HATE people with abdominal muscles, and you should too. I once had abs so I know abs are pointless. The people who have abs only have them to let you know that they have them. It's like a Porsche made of flesh. Except, unlike the car, abs don't actually take you anywhere. Men who obsess over their abs offer nothing to society. I see them in the park and on the beach... always touching their stomachs, as if to remind themselves of their only identifiable trait. Worse, these twerps always strip off to show off their prized possessions. Company picnic? Off comes the shirt. Bowling night? Why not? Dad's funeral? He would have wanted it that way.

Men with abs aren't really men, but women with penis's. Did Winston Churchill have abs? Did Ronald Reagan have abs? Does Jack Nicholson have abs? No, no, and God no. Fact is, abs have become symbolic of what I call "reverse achievement." The more there is of it, the less you've actually done with your life.

Abs are no longer a mark of natural fitness - instead they are an 'ass badge'. If you're bearing abs, then you're probably an ass. Men will see how vain you are and dismiss you. And while a woman may find your abs initially attractive, soon she'll wonder if you care more about them than her. You do.

And yes, it's been about a year since I did crunches and ab work at the gym. I go to the god-damned gym every day but I'm old and the ab work is a killer that I have now rationalized I don't have to do because no woman cares if my old ass has a flat stomach. Oh Yea--I know I should work my abs -- even at my age--but you know what??????

Kiss my ass-badge!