Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Jesus wants you to Vote for John Edwards

Sen. John Edwards (who is NOT gay) took time out from fussing with his hair to denounce our self-obsessed, consumerist society.

"I think that Jesus would be disappointed in our ignoring the plight of those around us who are suffering and our focus on our own selfish short-term needs," said Edwards. "I think He would be appalled, actually."

Jesus spent the day relaxing in the jacuzzi at Edwards' palacial North Carolina estate and was unavailable for comment. But in a statement issued through Edwards' campaign manager, the Son of God called on Americans to put aside their petty hangups about confiscatory taxation and get behind John Edwards for President.

"And what a cute little behind he has!" sayeth the Lord. "Ladies, ya'll know what I'm talkin' about!"

Jesus also put His stamp of approval on same-sex marriage, federally funded abortion-on-demand, and a couple of extra tennis courts at the Edwards Compound.

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