Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Satire Alert for the terminally dumb

Bush Quakes Strike Hawaii

Hawaii. With its lush marijuana plantations and vibrant gay community, many consider it a veritable “Garden of Eden”. Yet there’s nothing the Bible-thumping Bush regime would love more than to see the Island paradise sink into the sea like the Biblical utopias of Sodom and Gomorrah. Last weekend’s barrage of politically-motivated quakes were only the opening salvo it what threatens to be a full-scale war waged by the Christian Right against the brown-skinned Hawaiian peoples.

Thankfully, not as many people died without dignity as Bush had undoubtedly hoped in this, the latest of his ecological disasters. Nonetheless, he wrought economical destruction to Hawaii that only time and the repeal of his tax cuts for the wealthiest one percent will heal. The tremors that struck Hawaii knocked scores of ukeleles out of tune, and thousands of striking hula workers were forced to gyrate rhythmically at the hips without compensation for several agonizing minutes. Many a grass-skirted minx has already fled the Islands for the safety of the mainland, walking across the Pacific Ocean on the backs of undocumented Mexicans swimming to Hawaii for construction jobs. Defiant in the face of tragedy, a headstrong and resolute Mayor Ray Kakapipimediapaliki condemned the racist policies that lead to the quakes, and vowed that Honolulu would once again be a “Coconut City” - just as soon as they've ran off all the job-stealing Beaners.

As expected, the Repugs are in full denial mode, blaming the disaster on everything from "Mother Nature" to "Tectonic Plates". But no matter how they try to spin it, the blame for Hawaii lies solely on George Bush and his evangelical masters - not to be confused with Thomas Magnum and his Robin Masters, neither of whom were invited to the Luau.