Sunday, August 27, 2006


Bush Outsourcing Transgendered Pedophile Teaching Jobs to Thailand

After confessing last week to the brutal 1997 slaying of Jon Benet Ramsey, John Mark Karr was dragged away from the only place a man such as himself could obtain a teaching job in this economy. Doubts have been raised as to the authenticity of his confession, but whether he admits to the murder is irrelevant. The real criminal here is not Mr. Karr, but George W. Bush – or more specifically, his unapologetic policy of outsourcing all the transgendered pedophile teaching jobs to Thailand.

In the so-called “Land of the Free”, males who voluntarily have their genitals cleaved off and undergo hormone treatment until they sprout unconvincing breasts are treated like freaks. But on the streets of Bangkok, you can throw a dead cat ten feet in any direction and 30 hungry people will pounce on it. According to statistics, twenty-seven of those people are in the process of some sort of sexual reassignment therapy. The numbers are much higher in the States, yet for reasons unknown we are far less tolerant of these unique individuals than we’d care to admit. A woman who shows up for a job interview with a five o’clock shadow, an adam’s apple the size of a small town in Iowa, and a hair-do that looks like one of Dan Haggerty’s armpits has been clumsily stapled to her skull is likely to either be mistaken for Ann Coulter or brusquely shown the door. Such intolerance not only chases our most talented Transgendered Americans out of the country, but creates a society where the major concentration of wealth resides in the hands of naturally born males and/or females.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

The City of San Francisco, a refuge for those who would be branded as “deviants”, "preverts", or “liberals” in less enlightened cities, has enacted legislation that will earmark hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars for a “Comprehensive Transgender Employment Initiative," a noble effort to economically empower transgendered citizens. Money that would otherwise be wasted on hiring cops or filling potholes will now be used to create employment opportunities for San Francisco’s most underappreciated drag queens. Doors of opportunity that have long been slammed shut in the name of common decency are now open, insuring economic equality for all and keeping America's transgendered pedophiles in San Franscisco where they belong.

If only such a program were implemented at a national level, Jon Benet Ramsey might be alive today, free to pursue gender-reassignment surgery of her own. Instead, a beautiful little girl has lost her life, a brilliant man/woman has lost his/her job, and Bush still sits in the White House, installed by his Evangelical masters to insure that no Transgendered American makes a Living Wage.