Monday, July 13, 2009

Did you know we are an unhappy nation?

So over the weekend, while I was sunning myself by the pool, surrounded by all the things that make me happy (my masseuse Gertie Stoozt, my aromatherapist Tandelayo Schwartz and a hollowed-out gourd), a report was released ranking nations from least to most happy. According to the New Economics Foundation's "Happy Planet Index," Costa Rica came out on top – reporting the "highest life satisfaction" in the world.

Meanwhile America, the GREATEST country in the world - came in at 114th.

Guatemala, which is somewhere, came in second.

Okay. Let's look first at Costa Rica – whose primary source of income is tourism. Who goes there? Americans. So without miserable jerks like us who need to snorkle nude and do coke off the tails of shaved mules, Costa Rica would be nowhere. Guatemala? According to the World Bank, three quarters of its population live in poverty. Yeah, that's got to be fun.

So, forget the list. Let's look at its creator - the New Economics Foundation. It's a front for ecological cretins whose corrupt ideology drives them to link happiness to less consumption – a destructive, inhumane lie that most starving countries would take issue with if they weren't busy fighting flies for food.

So what's behind this dishonesty? Well, what do you think? Nic Marks, the founder of this joke of an organization, says less happy nations need to change their ways before their "high-consuming lifestyles plunge us into the chaos of irreversible climate change."

So there you have it. If you don't succumb to global warming hysteria, you're a selfish prick, living in an unhappy country. Please refer this information to all those Guatemalans and everyone else on the "happy" list risking their lives to get here.