Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Another round that will settle nothing

So today we've got two Democratic primaries - Indiana and North Carolina. My prediction: Sanjaya by single digits. But this really isn't a battle between two candidates, but a war over two souls: One that belongs to the Democratic party, and the other, to Bill Clinton.

First, the election will come down to a war between the moonbats (the netroot nutcakes and body-odored bloggers afflicted with matted hair and cystic acne) and mainstream Democrats. While it's true Hilary and Obama are both chronic lefties - both candidates still must move right - because that's the only way you can win an election in America. It's kinda funny and sad that, for a liberal to win, he or she has to run like a conservative. What does that tell you about your party if it can only win when it's pretending to be something else? That it can only win when it's pretending to be something else.

And then there's our man Bill. If Hillary wins, he's in the White House - giving us a minimum of four years of frustrated hilarity. He won't be able to pick up waitresses or co-eds, and that can't be good for his sanity or his right hand. But if Hillary loses, he will simply replace the White House with the Cathouse. And that's what I call a win-win. So what if Bill loses the limelight? That isn't so bad, since he does most of his best work in the dark.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.