Saturday, October 06, 2007

Anything more beautiful than a Tree? YES -

So a judge is ordering protesters occupying an oak at Cal-Berkeley to make like a tree and leave, or wind up in jail. The protesters are pissed that the school plans to remove some trees to make way for an athletic center, something they'd never use because they don't allow feather boas on the track during meets.

The University is going to warn the human root rot of the court order by issuing them a notice. Ooooh a notice! Way to stick it to 'em Cal. Go Bears.

I love this story because it illustrates some essential truths about protesters.

One: They need to grow up. One of the protesters, David Galloway, is 36 years old. It's must be great for his parents to know that, as their son reaches middle age, he's living in a tree. And it's not even a tree house. He's more like a tree squatter.

Two, protesters don't really care about people or trees! You see, school officials have become increasingly worried about the amount of human waste coming from the oaks. Think about that! It's disgusting. Crap shouldn't grow on trees, and it shouldn't fall from them either. And I'm sure if these oaks could actually talk they would agree with me, and plead for a match.

Three, this is private property and these conduits for crabs have no right to be there. Imagine if some middle aged dude in a mesh tank top and torn culottes moved into a tree on your front yard. He'd be in the morgue before breakfast.

The fact is, the University was too scared to deal with this sooner - proof that the PC mindset is still alive and well in academia. Instead of handling these ass-hats with kid gloves, I say, taser them, and taser them often. If you won't do it for the students, then do it for the trees. And if you disagree with me you're worse than Hitler.