John Kerry’s announcement last week that he was bowing out of the 2008 Presidential race came as a shock to those of us who had completely forgotten he was running. Indeed, there wasn’t a dry eye in Congress as the esteemed Senator from Massachusetts gave his tearful concession speech in that long, meandering monotone that has made many a weak-kneed political adversary wish they had a cyanide capsule to chomp down on.
I had planned to watch Kerry's historical speech in its entirety and post a written transcript as a service to my readers, but I ran out of coffee and No-Doz about ten minutes into it. There was something about Vietnam, something about voting for the Iraq war before voting against it, and possibly something about hamsters - but I may have just been dreaming that part. Suffice it to say that John Kerry has proven that he's a true statesman, certainly undeserving of the shoddy treatment he received from a few stupid troops who couldn’t take a joke. But rest assured that while Sen. Kerry’s presidential campaign is finished, he will continue his illustrious career of kicking America in the balls for many years to come.