Debate tonight

The day has come. Tonight is the last debate ... well, that's what they like to call it ... between Barack Obama and John McCain. It's really a joint press conference. Wouldn't it be great just to give them both microphones and say "You have 90 minutes. Hash this thing out." Tom Brokaw virtually destroyed the last "debate" with his boring demeanor and pitiful choice of questions. So, tonight I'm not expecting much. John McCain hasn't taken off the boxing gloves yet, and my bet is that the 24 oz. gloves are waiting for him in his dressing room.

Time to set the rules for the drinking games.

For Barack: For every time he says "middle class" you take a shot. For every time he says "but what the American people really want to talk about" or some derivate thereof "is the economy" you eat a jalapeno. By the end of the session any continence or bowel problems you might have should be taken care of.

For McCain: Not so easy, this is going to be a little subjective. Let's just say that ever time The Chosen One tees it up for McCain, and McCain wiffs, you hit the bottle. You'll pass out before this mess is over.

Now McCain did say yesterday that Barack Obama's association with Bill Ayers will probably come up in the debate tonight. If it does, which Obama excuse would you like to choose from?

• "He just a guy who lives in my neighborhood."
  
  
• "Bombs? You're not serious! I thought he was just an English professor. English professors throw bombs? Surely you're talking about metaphorical bombs."
  
• "I was only 8-years-old when he threw bombs at the Pentagon."
  
• "I thought he had been rehabilitated."
  
• "Oh yeah? Well you knew Charles Keating!"
  
  
• "It all depends on what your definition of 'terrorist' is."
  
• "Hey, I didn't know anything about his past when he nurtured my political career."
  
• "Did he help me write my book? Look, let's talk about issues that matter to the American middle class."

I'm going to go with, "Let's focus on the economy" option.

I guess there is the possibility that McCain will hit Obama with something about his long-term association with ACORN. Here are some possible responses,

• "Everybody knows that from little acorns mighty oak trees grow. That has to mean something. I don't really know what ... but something."
  
• "All they're trying to do is to get more Americans to exercise their right to vote."
  
• "This stuff would really be bad if they were working for Republicans. But with Democrats, the rule is 'whatever's necessary'."
  
• I don't really know who put that thing on my website listing as a "fact" that I never worked with or for ACORN. It's gone now though. So all is forgiven, right?"