Damage Control

Looks like Obama's getting just a bit fed up with his "former" pastor. He had a little press conference yesterday. We now learn that Obama is "outraged" at Jeremiah Wright's latest comments. Gee, ya think? Obama says that this isn't the same man that he met 20 years ago and that Wright's comments do not accurately portray Obama's perspective of the black church.

And why oh why in the wide, wide world of black liberation theology did it take until now for Barack Obama to become outraged? You know, some of us would have been a bit more than outrage the first time we heard out pastor ask God to damn America ... and don't give me that nonsense about Obama not knowing what was going on at the pulpit of his 20-year church. His response? "I gave [Reverend Wright] the benefit of the doubt in my speech in Philadelphia explaining that he's done enormous good. ... But when he states and then amplifies such ridiculous propositions as the U.S. government somehow being involved in AIDS. ... There are no excuses. They offended me. They rightly offend all Americans and they should be denounced.

Just how do you give someone the "benefit of the doubt" over comments like that? If I remember Mississippi Senator Trent Lott didn't get much benefit of the doubt when he made those innocuous comments about Strom Thurmond's presidential candidacy. George W. Bush didn't get much benefit of the doubt with that Mission Accomplished statement that he (didn't) hang on that aircraft carrier. Fuzzy Zeller didn't even get much of a benefit of the doubt when he made that crack about the Champion's Dinner at the Masters golf tournament. Fuzzy was talking about fried chicken and greens .. and Wright was talking about America bringing 9/11 on itself! Benefit of the doubt? Give me a break!

So Obama sits back and sees that this just isn't going away any time soon. Day after day Obama gets knocked off his vapid "Change We Can Believe In" message by Jeremiah Wright enjoying his 15 minutes ... and now it becomes time to act. Now we wait for some race warlords out there to complain that the white man forcing Obama to denounce his own church and black community.

Here's the video for those of you who missed the press conference.

Stuck with an empty suit--

This one is rather fun to watch. In case you haven't noticed, the Democrat Party is slowly figuring out that things aren't looking all that well for the November election ... at least as far as the White House is concerned. Their messiah has turned out to be somewhat of a false prophet. Don't you just hate it when things turn out that way?

Oh how the Democrats swooned over the "Change We Can Believe in" signs. All of these people fainting at Obama rallies were certainly heralding wonderful times to come. Somehow they failed to notice that in din of those huge Obama crowds nothing meaningful was being said by the candidate. Nobody bothered to check the resume closely. Accomplishments? None, really. About the best thing ObamaManiacs could point to was that he managed to get elected to the Senate. Wow! What a big deal that was! He ran against a Democrat in the primary who self-destructed in a sex and domestic scandal. Then his chief Republican rival pulled the same stunt. The Republicans had to go out of state to find Alan Keys to put up a fight against Obama, and there was never a chance.

Now the layers start to get peeled back. That glossy onion doesn't look so good underneath. We find Obama spending 20 years in the pews of a church where the America-hating pastor preaches the Marxist gospel of Black Liberation Theology. We find his friendship with "just some guy who lives in my neighborhood." "Some guy" who is an unrepentant bomb-thrower from the Vietnam War days. "Some Guy" who says he has no regrets, and in fact wishes he could have done more. We learn that what Barack says before an gathering of San Francisco liberals is not what he says to the masses at his campaign appearances. In other words ... the going has become rough.

And what do the Obama campaign and the Democrats do when the going gets rough for their candidate? Well ... they can't really return him to the candidate store. Not going to work. Democrats absolutely depend on the black vote to carry these elections, and they know that if they admit a mistake and run back into Hillary's arms enough of these black voters will stay home on election day to make the presidency a lost cause. Nope -- Hillary isn't the answer. They're now going to have to stick with Obama. So ... a strategy is needed! Something needs to be done to shield Obama from the rightful consequences of his past and present associations and his uber-liberal approach to big government.

The solution? Oh come on, you're telling me you don't really know? The solution --- the shield --- is Obama's color!

So stand by friends. This election is going to be about race and racism. The left and their fellow travelers in the media are going to use the tried and true weapon of playing the race card to shield their candidate. John McCain speaks in Mississippi? Racism. Civil rights workers were killed in Mississippi, you know. You don't like Jeremiah Wrights exhortations for God to damn America? You're racist. You just don't like the black church. In fact ... it has gone further than that already. Listen -- and you don't have to listen carefully -- and you're going to hear more and more people saying that if you don't support Barack the one and only reason would be that you just don't like black people. Let's work on that white guilt! If they can't talk you into voting for Barack on the issues, (in other words, if you aren't an anti-capitalist Marxist), then we'll get you to vote for him out of a sense of guilt. This is what you owe for 400 years of slavery.

Yesterday the theme on so many newscasts was "Are Americans ready to vote for a black candidate for President." Fair question. I just wonder why we've never heard these same people ask "Are Detroit's voters ready to put a black man in the mayor's office." Oh, wait a minute. That would be a racist question, wouldn't it?

See how this is going to work?

From now on the Democrats will cloak Barack Obama in a mantle of black immunity. Any criticism of him or his policies, his friends, his philosophy ... racist. For many voters this is going to backfire. People who otherwise might be favorably disposed toward voting for Obama are going to wonder what four years would be like with race warlords screaming racism every time Republicans in the congress opposed the next great idea for expanding government and curtailing freedoms.

I wonder how John McCain is going to like running the show for four years?

SATIRE ALERT

Future President and proud coal miner's daughter, Hillary Clinton, proved the pundits wrong Tuesday and won her home state of Pennsylvania by a record landslide. Now it's off to a certain victory in her home state of North Carolina, where Senator Clinton spent a good part of her youth working on her family's tobacco farm.

Yes, Hillary and tobacky go waaaay backy. She planted it, grew it, picked it, rolled it, smoked it, chewed it, taxed it and sued it all while under heavy sniper fire. An avid smoker, Hillary will be campaigning heavily across the Tar Heel State for the next two weeks while puffing on filterless Camels from inside her iron lung. She is virtually guaranteed a win both there and in her home state of Indiana, where Hoosier Hillary grew up racing Formula One cars under heavy sniper fire.

It's all over for Obama. With his 10 point loss on Tuesday, it's obvious that he's peaked and his pointless campaign is finally on the decline. His snotty remarks about Pennsylvanian rednecks stubbornly clinging to their guns and their Bibles, while 100% true, proved to working class voters that he isn't the unifying icon of the common man he claims to be, but rather an elitist snob. And while democrats adore an elitist snob, the one thing we simply won't tolerate is a phony.

Go Hillary!!!

Oil @ $117.00 a barrel

And our "friends" the Saudis are balking at increasing production. So while they continue to screw with us on oil ... let's be sure to respond here in this country by:

1. Refusing to drill in ANWR for more oil in the very portion of ANWR that was set aside for the purpose of drilling for more oil.
2. Refuse to tap the known reserves of oil and natural gas off the West coast of Florida because, after all, we certainly don't want tourists in Florida to catch sight of a drilling rig 25 miles off shore now do we?
3. Refuse to develop ways to use the oil shale from the Western United States.
4. Refuse to develop coal gasification techniques.
5. Refuse to build any more refineries in the United States.
6. Listen to the anti-nuke moonbats and continue to delay building some nuclear power plants.

And while we're doing all of these things let's make sure to keep the subsidies for ethanol at a ridiculous high so that we can take more land out of food production to grow more corn to be turned into an alternative fuel. We burn more than a gallon of fossil fuels to produce a gallon of ethanol .. so this sounds like a good bet to me!

Oh ... and let's continue to call the Saudis our friends and kiss their sandy butts at every possible opportunity.

Dream Team

So maybe he's not so perfect, after all.

I'm referring to Senator Barack Obama, who in reference to people living in small towns - said, quote, "they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment...as a way to explain away their frustrations."

He has since said he is sorry, confessing that he "didn't say it as well as I should have." Meaning, he spoke his mind, which he regrets. And I congratulate him - for he said what every one on the left has always believed - that if you don't live on the coasts, you're a bible-toting, gun-wielding nutcase who speaks in tongues on Sunday and tongues his daughter on Monday. Worse, you probably don't own the West Wing on DVD! Inbred.

See, Obama simply blurted out what the Democratic party always believed. But it screws him more: here Obama accuses people of clinging to religion out of desperation - but then what is Jeremiah Wright, if not a leech that feeds off hopelessness and gloom of those around him?

But Hillary cannot gloat - for she, like Obama, also sees most of America as a flat land full of fools - people incapable of taking care of themselves or making decisions for their families. Both Hillary and Obama think government can do that far better than we ever could. And that's elitism and idiocy at it's best.

So maybe they are ideal running mates.

Dr. Dean

Here's a breaking story: Howard Dean is a gutless wonder. A cream puff in granny pants who needs to be spanked hard and good. He should be passed around in a biker bar, like a pint of Mad Dog, until he can't sit down for months.

I only say this because last Thursday, the Democratic National Committee Chairman said that swing voters in a focus group aired concerns about John McCain's age, and how it affected his health, as well as his views.

This shows the difference between a cowardly leftist and a bad ass conservative. Rather than coming out and saying "Don't vote for the guy, because he's old and frail," Dean shifted that belief onto unnamed voters - so he didn't appear "age-ist," or get nailed for saying what he really thinks. What a weak-kneed, cowardly little nebbish.

I have news for Dean - McCain could kick the living shit out of you. Any day, any time, blindfolded, arms tied behind his back - he could make you yelp like you did after your humiliating third-place defeat in the 2004 Iowa caucuses. Remember that, you toad-faced, sputtering chucklehead?

But more important to remember, Howie, is that unlike you, McCain has the guts to speak his thoughts without simultaneously disowning them. While you knocked McCain's "old-fashioned" views, you claim that the Democratic Party won't invoke McCain's age in the fall. But that's because you're doing it now.

But keep doing it, Howard. Remember how great it worked for Mondale.

Progressive paranoia

So there`s a new study claiming that a third of the population experiences moments of paranoia. The other two-thirds are probably totally behind it.

In the research, they placed a bunch of people on a computer generated subway ride, during which the volunteers could walk around the car, interacting with "virtual" passengers who acted like real people. No one was molested, and most of the real people felt the fake characters to be friendly. But - almost 40 percent felt excessive anxiety or fear by these virtual passengers.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking - because I can read your thoughts. (I have placed tiny transmitters in your fillings for that very reason.) "Why do they come up with this crap - when they could be doing something far more useful, like creating virtual strip clubs where I can go and not worry about getting gonorrhea from a hologram?" My thoughts - and yours - exactly.

Anyway, the findings don`t surprise me. Because I`ve always been paranoid over the fact that there are a lot of paranoid people on this planet. Seriously – we`re basically part of a larger conspiracy, one engineered by paranoid people bent on making us more paranoid than we already are.

Who are these conspirators? Well, they are basically anyone who needs to appear smarter than you. That`s the point of conspiracy – that I know something that you don`t. You see this most often in the broken minds of aging leftists like Gore Vidal and Sean Penn. Is it no wonder that almost all conspiracy nuts are progressives – the same pessimistic, overwrought desire to hate individualism but embrace bureaucracy is the same virus that drives paranoid delusional thinking.

What was I saying? Oh yeah - Whether it`s Walmart or the fillings in your teeth – you`re all too stupid to see what I see - that they`re all part of a bigger conspiracy to control our lives. And wouldn`t you know that – because I am so much smarter than everyone else – I happen to know who is running the whole thing. It`s Estelle Getty, star of the Golden Girls. It`s she must be stopped before our entire world turns into some sordid sick fantasy played out on a ship deck with Bea Arthur in compression hose.

Heston

You know what's great about being a conservative - besides the orgies, the high grade stimulants and the free snuff films? The way people who hated you when you were alive now like you when you're dead. When Reagan died, he was praised by scoundrels who dogged him all his life, and now the same thing is happening to straight-up, bad-ass Charlton Heston.

An obvious example, of course, is the New York Times - which rarely had a kind word to say about either man. But now that they're dead - the Times had nothing but carefully worded praise for their careers.

And then there's Michael Moore. Probably the biggest - and most sanctimonius sack of feces on the planet - he's widely known for stitching up a confused Heston in his anti-gun movie Bowling for Columbine. Moore told Heston he was a lifetime member of the NRA - a sleazy ploy to get the actor to talk to him.

While being filmed, Moore mercilessly chided Heston on his pro-gun stance, while a befuddled and clearly fatigued Heston remains polite until he finally gets up and leaves. But of course, Moore chases him down (not hard since Heston hobbles) to wave photo of a dead child in his face. Moore, beyond sorrowful, leaves the photo on Chuck's patio. The creep thinks he creamed Chuck, but he came out the fool. It was disclosed later that he had Alzheimer's. Heston, not Moore.

I bring up Moore because if you go to his Web site, you'll find a memorial photo of Heston, along with the date of his birth and death. If Moore was any kind of man, hed take that down, instead of pretending to care. But the world is far from perfect. If it was, Chuck would shot him for trespassing back when he had the chance.