I've not been feeling well today. They are poisoning me to make me better and to prepare me for surgery. One can only imagine what in the hell they have in mind post surgery. It may be a Josh Groban concert.

While lounging around in my shorty robe watching Designing Women, I came across a study which does not bode well for clowns. It says 250 children between the ages of 4 and 16 were surveyed, and each one said they disliked and feared clowns. At first, I wasn't fazed - we all know that face paint is the definitive mark of the anti-christ. But then I thought about it some more. And some more. And then, while refilling my squirting flower with acid, I realized that of all the special interest groups left on the planet, it's the Bozos and Bubbles who are subjected to most bigotry and ridicule. Who cries when you bully a clown? No one. In fact, in the south, it's encouraged.

Are clowns really that different from you and me? Sure they wear water-based makeup, giant rubber shoes, foam noses, balloon print cumberbunds and ride around in a Volkswagon with 18 of their friends, but can you honestly say you don't do the same? Can you?

Yes, we've seen a few bad eggs - Serial killer John Wayne Gacy did nothing to help the plight of the clown - but he was also a shoe salesman. How come no one mentions that?

Tonight I'd like you to take a look at your own clown prejudice. Because frankly, I don't think there's room in this world for your Bozophobia.

AND IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME THEN YOU, SIR, ARE WORSE THAN HITLER