Almost 6 years after Bush read a story about a little girl to his pet goat, New York has once again fallen victim to an unspeakable act of terror. This time, the dark forces of hate and intolerance have struck the quiet campus of Pace University, where a paperback copy of the Holy Quran was founding floating in public toilet like one of Grampa's unflushed turds.
School authorities were ready to just write the whole thing off as an act of "vandalism" and forget about it, until a group of courageous Muslim Students stepped forward to demand they behead the Jew who committed this terrible Hate Crime - or any Jew, for that matter. To allow such and egregious insult to the Religion of Peace go unpunished risked a Muslim Blacklash, and leaders of the Muslim Community could not be held responsible for any violence or bloodshed they'd personally incite should the school refuse to act.
So without a moment more of hesitation, a campuswide manhunt was launched and the vile hate-criminal was brought to justice. The Muslim Community will sleep soundly tonight knowing that one Stanislav Shmulevich is behind bars. Thanks to New York's progressive legislation against Hate Crimes, he'll be facing up to 4 years in prison for tossing a Koran into the crapper.
Unlike the 2,000 year-old book of fairy tales known as "The Bible", the Holy Quran is sacred to the followers of Islam and must be treated with respect, never mishandled nor mutilated, and always carefully left at the bar where you get your lap dances the night before you plow a plane full of screaming passengers into a skyscraper. So Pace University officials ask that in the future, students wishing to exercise their First Amendment right Free Speech confine themselves to burning U.S. flags or smearing feces on the Virgin Mary.