Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who recently dazzled Black audiences with her Stepin Fetchit plantation slave impersonation, will grow back her trademark monobrow for the first ever Gay Debates next month. In addition, she plans to sport a traditional Wayne Newton haircut, along with a lovely L.L. Bean flannel pantsuit with matching Gucci combat boots.
While her debate strategy is sure to draw ridicule from the hatemongering homophobes of the Religious Right, Hillary hopes her transformation will send a message to Queer voters that she cares about issues that are important to the Gay Community, issues that typically make less open-minded people want to hide their children or heave all over themselves.
"People like that Manpig and his Merry Band of Breeders in the White House," Hillary whistled through her brand new tongue piercing while menacingly waving a rubber dildo at reporters Tuesday.
Not to be outdone, Senator Barack Obama will bond with Gay voters by donning a feather boa and strutting around the stage at the debates. John Edwards justs plans to be himself.