Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Amnesty Fraud

Every aspect of the current immigration bill, and of the arguments made for it, has Fraud written all over it.

The first, and perhaps biggest, fraud is the argument that illegal aliens are "doing jobs Americans won't do." There are no such jobs.

Even in the sector of the economy in which illegal immigrants have the highest representation -- agriculture -- they are just 24 percent of the workers. Where did the other 76 percent come from, if these are jobs that Americans won't do?

The argument that illegal agricultural workers are "making a contribution to the economy" is likewise misleading.

For well over half a century, this country has had chronic agricultural surpluses which have cost the taxpayers billions of dollars a year to buy, store, and try to get rid of on the world market at money-losing prices.

If there were fewer agricultural workers and smaller agricultural surpluses, the taxpayers would save money.

What about illegal immigrants working outside of agriculture? They are a great bargain for their employers, because they are usually hard-working people who accept low pay and don't cause any trouble on the job.

But they are no bargain for the taxpayers who cover their medical bills, the education of their children and the costs of imprisoning those who commit a disproportionate share of crime.

Analogies with immigrants who came to this country in the 19th century and early 20th century are hollow, and those who make such analogies must know how different the situation is today.

People who crossed an ocean to get here, many generations ago, usually came here to become Americans. There were organized efforts within their communities, as well as in the larger society around them, to help them assimilate.

Today, there are activists working in just the opposite direction, to keep foreigners foreign, to demand that society adjust to them by making everything accessible to them in their own language, minimizing their need to learn English.

As activists are working hard to keep alive a foreign subculture in so-called "bilingual" and other programs, they are also feeding the young especially with a steady diet of historic grievances about things that happened before the immigrants got here -- and before they were born.

These Balkanization efforts are joined by other Americans as part of the "multicultural" ideology that pervades the education system, the media, and politics.

The ease with which people can move back and forth between the United States and Mexico -- as contrasted with those who made a one-way trip across the Atlantic in earlier times -- reduces still further the likelihood that these new immigrants will assimilate and become an integral part of the American society as readily as many earlier immigrants did.

Claims that the new immigration bill will have "tough" requirements, including learning English, have little credibility in view of the way existing laws are not being enforced.

What does "learning English" mean? I can say "arrivederci" and "buongiorno" but does that mean that I speak Italian?

Does anyone expect a serious effort to require a real knowledge of English from a government that captures people trying to enter the country illegally and then turns them loose inside the United States with instructions to report back to court -- which of course they are not about to do?

Another fraudulent argument for the new immigration bill is that it would facilitate the "unification of families." People can unify their families by going back home to them. Otherwise every illegal immigrant accepted can mean a dozen relatives to follow.

"What can we do with the 12 million people already here illegally?" is the question asked by amnesty supporters. We can stop them from becoming 40 million or 50 million, the way 3 million illegals became 12 million after the previous amnesty.

The most fundamental question of all has not been asked: Who should decide how many people, with what qualifications and prospects, are to be admitted into this country? Is that decision supposed to be made by anyone in Mexico who wants to come here?

Saturday, May 12, 2007

SATIRE ALERT

Bush gives the word "Retreat" a bad name:

“So, it has come to this,” I hissed as I crumpled up the announcement that Maharishi Steve’s Annual Yoga Retreat would from now on be officially known as a “Yoga Redeployment”. The whole thing was a sick, twisted joke, and I would have told the Maharishi as much if he had taken his toes out of ears long enough to listen.

The word “retreat” used to invoke pleasant thoughts of relaxing on some tropical shore, or perhaps enjoying a ginseng colonic with friends high in the wooded climes of the misty Cascades. But thanks to a relentless barrage of neo-con propaganda, “retreat” has now taken on a more negative connotation. Even congressional Democrats are afraid to utter the word, preferring instead to use the more palatable ”redeployment” when discussing their Iraq War strategy. Perhaps too eager to make nicey-nice with their Repug inferiors, the well-meaning Dems have failed to take a stand against the right-wing crusade to hijack the English language. Instead of fighting the GOP, they have essentally surrendered - a word the Repugs ironically stole from the benevolent, cheese-eating primates of France.

But it’s not to late for Democrats to take back “retreat” and preserve it for future generations of liberals. A massive marketing campaign must be launched to persuade the voting public not to think of a “retreat” as “fleeing from the battlefield”, but rather “taking a vacation from the war”. If Harry, Nancy, Jack, and all the leading Democrats in congress would make it a point to wear Hawaiian shirts, Bermuda shorts, Panama hats and sunglasses to every Congressional debate on Iraq, it would go a long way towards convincing the American people that with all the mindless bloodshed going on, it wouldn’t hurt everyone to take a little hiatus from reality with their Democrat pals for a while. Ya’ll can go right on fighting Bush’s illegal and immoral war without end, or you can join us liberals for some big, fruity, Appeasement & Capitulation cocktails down on Dhimmi Beach!

Sure, my idea may seem overly theatrical to some, but it’s far better than simply giving up on a word that has come to symbolize the Progressive approach to fighting the War on Terror.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Loretta's Guy - (Can you say "empty suit?)

Barack Obama Sticks To The Facts At The Local Starbucks

Starbucks_dude
Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?

Barack_obamas_insane
Finally! I'm finally here - I made it!

Starbucks_dude
Uh, why are you talking into a microphone?

Barack_obamas_insane
You know, I've been waiting a long, long time to get to this counter, people. But I'm not discouraged!

Starbucks_dude
Who are you talking to?

Barack_obamas_insane
I don't know how many of you know this, but I've been in this line for thirty-six hours now. Thirty-six hours!

Starbucks_dude
No you haven't! I saw you walk in five minutes ago.

Barack_obamas_insane
Some people want to get bogged down in meaningless details. They want to count how many minutes someone's been in a line - as if that means anything!

Starbucks_dude
Hey, you brought it up, I was just...

Barack_obamas_insane
But we're not going to let them define the debate.

Starbucks_dude
What debate?

Barack_obamas_insane
No, we're not, because when you take $474.00 out of your hard-earned pay for a Caramel Macchiato, you have a right to expect...

Starbucks_dude
That's not what we charge for a Caramel...

Barack_obamas_insane
You have a right to expect that you won't get a cup of flavored coffee so hot that it literally burns a path staright to the core of the Earth.

Starbucks_dude
Oh, now you're being ridiculous!

Barack_obamas_insane
All right, maybe I got that wrong. You know, there are going to be times when I get tired. There are going to be times when I get weary. There are going to be times when I make mistakes.

Starbucks_dude
All right, I guess that's understandable.

Barack_obamas_insane
Especially at times like this, when I've been up for fifty-three days straight.

Starbucks_dude
That's it! Either order or get out of line.

Barack_obamas_insane
OK, give me a grande Caramel Macchiato, and make sure it's not so hot that it burns through the blacktop, like last time.

Starbucks_dude
You know that never happened.

Barack_obamas_insane
Maybe it did, maybe it didn't - I can't tell you what happened after it burned through the floorboard of my car.

Starbucks_dude
Never happened.

Barack_obamas_insane
...

Starbucks_dude
...

Barack_obamas_insane
OK, I was holding it between my legs and kinda burned my nuts.

Starbucks_dude
I'll give you an extra cup. That'll be $4.95, please.

Barack_obamas_insane
Well, here's a one-hundred dollar bill, and I want you to keep the change, because...

Starbucks_dude
This is a five.

Barack_obamas_insane
Good night, everyone!

Starbucks_dude
...

Starbucks_dude
That guy's one of the most annoying people in the world. No exaggeration.