Liberal Priorities

As the Democrats prepare for their National Convention in Denver, what do you think concerns them most? Party unity after a fractious primary season? Articulating Obama`s plan for fighting terror? Or, maybe dealing with the oil crisis without relying on windmills? No. No and no. Their big worries are fried foods, organic cotton and biodegradable utensils. In that order.

That`s right – instead of coming up with a blueprint for all this change we keep hearing about, they`re worried about whether the 15,000 fanny packs belonging to convention volunteers are made of organic cotton.

And herein likes the joys of being politically correct. Instead of focusing on improving the country, you become obsessed with improving your image. I mean – forget Iran. What about those goat-cheese won tons served to the delegates? Are they organic? Union made? Grown locally? And that caramel sauce better not have been trucked in from Canada. Think of the emissions! And I certainly hope that duck sauce came from a free range duck.

In the desire to create the greenest political convention ever, the Democrats expose the party`s two main weaknesses – no sense of proportion, and no order of priorities. The fact is, the number one concern in America is not tofu – it`s terror. It`s not compost, it`s caliphates. It`s not sauce, it`s security. For the Democrats, this green obsession is the new patriotism – because – unlike old patriotism you don`t need to love your country – you just need to hate anyone who lacks a Prius. It`s easy and it feels good – like a sensual massage. But without the happy ending.

And if you disagree with me, may your first born have a tail.

SATIRE ALERT

McCain to old to Lead??????

Sen. Kerry probably got himself crossed-off of John McCain's VP short list for calling him "confused" - 37 years after he called him a war criminal who burned cattle and raped villages in a fashion reminiscent of Jingus Khan. But if McSame's assertion that reducing troop casualties in Iraq is more important than a timetable for retreat is any indication of his mental state, he's more senile than Ronald Raygun ever was.

One wonders whether McSame is simply too much of a geezer to be the leader of the free world. Let's face it - the Presidency is no job for old men. A good commander-in-chief must possess the strength and stamina to wake up every morning and do 300 sit ups, jog about 15 miles, stop and do another 700 sit-ups, bench press 500 pounds, jog another 20 miles uphill and backwards, followed by 1600 squat thrusts and 2000 push-ups with a shetland pony strapped to his back, swim 20 laps in the White House pool without surfacing, tow a tractor trailer 30 yards with his teeth, drop and do another 7000 push-ups, and then, with the stroke of a pen, raise taxes and flee Iraq.

Obama may smoke like a chimney, but I know that aside from all that physical exertion he's totally up to the job. McCain, on the other hand, can't even move his arms above shoulder level. That's because while Obama was growing up on the mean streets of Honolulu, McCain was lounging around a hotel in Hanoi.