"Rectal Explosives" Delay French Flights
Flights out of Paris's Charles de Gaulle Airport were held up for over six hours yesterday after a routine security check reveled a cache of explosive materials concealed in an American tourist's anal cavity.
Gary Felchworth of Provincetown, Massachusetts, had already passed through the security checkpoint when an alert guard noticed a suspicious looking wedgie as he walked away.
"There was something not quite right about the man but I couldn't put my finger on it at first," said Pierre LeMieux. "When he walked away I noticed that his gait was a bit off and then I looked down. His was no naturally occurring wedgie."
LeMieux immediately called for back-up and the explosives were discovered shortly after a more thorough, though somewhat less comfortable, search.
For his part, Felchworth maintains he is innocent and that the explosives were intended for "personal use."
"I really don't know what the fuss is about," said a visibly shaken Felchworth. "We do this all the time in Massachusetts. We even have a name for it; 'The Cape Cod Colon Scrambler.' I'd expect this sort of treatment in Texas or Oklahoma, but I thought that the French were supposed to be a lot more progressive than this."